The Reality
by TED WILD
“3 minutes to live 1% happier”
[Scroll down for English version]
Reality: 变快乐的3大障碍
tedwild.com | 2023.5.30
Happy Reality Day! 你上周过的咋样？希望这3分钟的现实，可以带给你1%的快乐 ↓
❤ 1个我的领悟
变快乐的过程叫“自助”，可以理解为自愈的过程。这个过程中我们通过了解各种理论、做各种练习，来改变自己的心态，从而变得更快乐。
而这个过程中其实有3个隐形的障碍，分别是——有毒的环境或人，不知道自己喜欢什么，自我怀疑。
有毒的环境或人。如果你的工作是自己不喜欢的，而且压力很大，一件事还没干完又来了一件事，晚上睡觉都是半睡半醒脑子停不下来地思考工作上的问题，那你学的自助理论、做的自助练习的效果都会被这个有毒的工作抵消，让你一直处于焦虑的状态，让你以为你做的练习都是没用的，其实不是。同样，如果你的男女朋友或者父母总是PUA你，天天说你这不行那不好是个废物，你也很难开始爱自己。所以，离开有毒的环境或人是自助的一个前提。
不知道自己喜欢什么。找到自己喜欢什么需要时间，但是它的确会对一个人的整体生活幸福程度造成很大影响。很多人都处于这种状态：感觉啥工作都不喜欢，但是又不知道自己喜欢啥，还很迷茫，很焦虑，这种时候是很难静下心来去做冥想、关注当下的，这就进一步造成很长时间自己的生活都处于一种未来没有搞明白、当下的生活又在焦虑中错过的“梦游”状态。
自我怀疑。自我怀疑也是自助的一大杀手，因为你会怀疑自己学到的所有自助理论和这些练习到底有没有用，也会怀疑自己身上的问题到底是不是别人说的那样。比如抑郁的人会怀疑自己不喜欢当前这份工作，是因为真的不喜欢“这个”工作，还是因为自己抑郁而根本就不喜欢“所有”工作？
这3个自助过程中的隐形障碍，会极大地影响我们的自助过程。
解决的方法建议是先离开有毒的环境或人，这一点是相对容易做到的。至于后两点，可以暂时不去管，先开始学习自助的知识，做对应的练习，等你练习一段时间，心态自然会发生变化，到时候这两个问题自然就会更容易解决。这是一个“先做再知”的过程，而不是“先知再做”的过程。
关于自助的过程、原理、需要的所有工具和方法、成功自助的动力来源，看这里就行。
❤ 1个其他人的领悟
“专门留出几天，用最少的钱，过最简单的清贫生活，穿粗布的衣服。然后问你自己：这就是我害怕的生活么？”
– Seneca
巴菲特现在还住在他1958年花3万美元买的奥马哈老房子里，还天天在麦当劳吃早饭。
Rich Roll经常睡在自己搭在屋顶上的帐篷里（虽然他的屋子很豪华）。
直接去做你害怕的那些事，然后你就会发现其实这些东西并没有那么可怕。这就是认识你自己的过程。
❤ 1个小尝试
“硬起来”：
接下来一周，不管是在工作中还是生活中，有人让你干一件你不愿意干、也没有义务去干的事情的时候，直接说“不”。你可以说“不行，我手里还有很多事，要不你先找一下XXX”。或者“不了，我有其他计划了，改天再说”。
别人其实并不会那么不爽。
最重要的是，你自己会很爽。
看完有啥想法没？可以直接回复这个邮件，我会看邮箱里的每一个回复。
另外，我很想知道你对已经发了的这些期周报的想法，有什么建议么？欢迎回复。
除了邮件，有没有什么保持联系的其他方法的建议呢？
下周见，
Ted Wild
PS: 一个关于恐惧的故事
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Reality: 3 Barriers To Happiness
tedwild.com | 2023.5.30
Happy Reality Day! Here is your weekly dose of reality to help you live 1% happier.
❤ 1 Insight From Me
The process of becoming happy is called “self-help”, which is a process of self-healing. In this process, we change our mindsets by learning various theories and doing various exercises, so as to become happier.
But there are actually three invisible barriers: Toxic environment or people, not knowing one’s passion, and self-doubt.
Toxic environment or people. If you don’t like your job and it is very stressful, with new tasks keep piling up, and you can’t stop thinking about work even at midnight in your bed, then the effects of the self-help theories you learn and exercises you do will be offset by this soul-sucking job, keeping you in a state of anxiety all the time. Similarly, if your boyfriend or girlfriend or parents always try to manipulate or control you, saying you are a loser, you’re useless, then it’s hard for you to love yourself. So, leaving toxic environment or people is a prerequisite for self-help.
Not knowing one’s passion. Finding your passion takes time, but it does have a big impact on a person’s overall happiness. Many people are living like this: they don’t like any job, but they don’t know what they like, and they are constantly confused and anxious. At this time, it is difficult for them to calm down to meditate, and live in the present. As a result, they spend years and years sleepwalking through life, with the future not figured out and the present missed in anxiety.
Self-doubt. Self-doubt is also a big killer of self-help, because you will doubt whether all the self-help theories and exercises you have learned are useful, and you will also doubt whether your problems are like what others said, or even real. For example, a depressed person may doubt whether it’s “this” job that he doesn’t like, or he just doesn’t like “all” jobs because of depression.
These three invisible obstacles will greatly impact our self-help process.
My suggestion is to leave the toxic environment or person first, which is relatively easy to do. You can ignore the other two barriers for now. Just start learning about self-help and do the exercises. After you practice for a while, your mindsets will change naturally, and these two problems will be easier to solve then. This is a “doing before knowing” process, rather than a “knowing before doing” one.
For the self-help process, how self-help works, all the tools and methods you need, and the driving force for successful self-help, it’s here.
❤ 1 Insight From Others
“Set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with course and rough dress, saying to yourself the while: ‘Is this the condition that I feared?’”
– Seneca
Warren Buffett still lives in the same modest house in Omaha that he bought in 1958 for $31,500, and he famously eats at McDonald’s for breakfast every day.
Rich Roll often sleeps in a tent on the roof of his fancy house.
Try what you are afraid of, so you can realize it’s actually not as bad as you think.
❤ 1 Small Step To Take
“Man up and say no”:
For the following week, whenever someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to do and have no obligation to do, whether it’s at work or in life, just say “No.”
You can say “No, I still have a lot to do, why don’t you ask XXX for help?” Or “No, I have plans, maybe another day”.
They may not be as upset as you think.
But you will definitely be happier.
Do you find this issue of Reality helpful? Leave a reply to this email, I check every reply in my inbox.
Until next week,
Ted Wild
PS: Article：How Self-help Really Works – The ASASA Model