The Reality

by TED WILD

“3 minutes to live 1% happier”

[Scroll down for English version]

Reality: “内心强大”到底是什么意思？

tedwild.com  | 2023.4.11

Happy Reality Day! 开始本周3分钟的现实, 1%的快乐 ↓

❤ 1个我的领悟

说一个人“内心强大”到底是啥意思呢？意思是这个人有这5种心态：

  • 我的生活是我的。我是我生活的主角，我是我生命中最重要的人。我生活中的所有后果都是我自己承担的，所以你们所有人的意见都要看大爷我愿不愿意听，不管你是父母朋友还是领导总统。你会为我的幸福负责么？不能就别BB。
  • 接受自己的不完美。每个人都会犯错，都不完美。我就是不完美，就是会犯错。有理就不说了，哪怕自己没理要认错，也要有种“嗯，就是我干的，咋了？”的心态。老子就是弄错了，咋了？好好说话就行，咋？你是说你从来没犯过错？
  • 失败很正常。人就是靠不停摔倒来学会走路的。
  • 从“事”而不是“人”的角度看待生活。我这件事做的有问题，但是这不是说明我这个“人”不行，只是我现在做这件“事”还不熟练，正在学习中而已。谁不是从一个生下来啥也不会的小屁孩慢慢学会一些技能的？
  • 把骂你的人当成哭闹的小孩。把对你发脾气的人当做一个愿望没有被满足的小孩就好，而你是一个微笑着看着他撒泼的大人。生气的人其实绝大部分情况下不是因为你而生气，而是在其他方面过得不顺。

内心不强大的人，摔倒一下就脸红，被骂一下就爆炸，失败一下就想跑，觉得自己低人一等，经常任人摆布。

内心不强大其实是来源于不接受现实，不接受真实的自己，认为自己很挫，不如别人。

而内心强大其实是来自于看清现实，接受生活的不完美、自己的不强大，以及地球上所有人其实都和你一样挫，和你一样会犯错。

然后你就能触底反弹。

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❤ 1个其他人的领悟

全心全意的生活来自“我值得被爱”的心态。它意味着培养一种勇气、共情和连接（courage, compassion, and connection），从而每天早上醒来你都能告诉自己：不管已经完成了多少事，还有多少没完成，我现在这样就足够了。

– Brené Brown

❤ 1个问你自己的问题

你有没有在公共场合摔倒过？你当时脸红了么？觉得丢人了么？

现实来了：所有那些看着你摔倒的人，自己也都在公共场合摔倒过。而且其中95%的人根本不在乎你是不是摔了，他们正想着等会儿去哪买个冰激凌。

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❤ 1个小尝试

接下来一周，每天在日记里记录1件今天发生的、当时你觉得“我真没用”的事。

然后写下这句话：“我是我生活的大爷，你们都是小孙子”。

记住：事做的有问题，咱客观分析，客观改正就行。但你这个人永远是大爷。

大爷，看完有啥想法没？别客气，可以直接回复这个邮件，我会看邮箱里的每一个回复。

下周见，

Ted Wild

PS: 让你不快乐的原因都 在这里 

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Reality: What does “mentally strong” mean?

tedwild.com  | 2023.4.11

Happy Reality Day! Here is your weekly dose of reality to help you live 1% happier.

❤ 1 Insight From Me

What does it really mean to say that someone is “mentally strong”? It means that this person has these 5 mindset:

  • My life is mine. I am the chief of my life, I am the most important person in my life. All the consequences in my life are borne by me, so whether I listen to your opinion or not is fully up to ME, no matter you are a parent, friend, leader or the president. Will you be responsible for my happiness? If you can’t, then stop pointing fingers at my life.
  • Accept imperfections. Everyone makes mistakes and is not perfect. I’m not perfect, I just make mistakes. Don’t say you did something right, even if you screwed up, you must have the mentality of “Yes, I did it, so what?” I just made a mistake, so what? Just talk nicely, okay? Are you saying that you’ve never made a mistake?
  • Failure is normal. People learn to walk by falling over and over again.
  • Look at life from the perspective of “things” rather than “people”. I am not good at this, but this does not mean that I am not good as a “person”, but that I am not proficient in doing this “thing” now, and I am just learning. We were all born as kids who know nothing.
  • Treat the person who scolds you as a crying child. Just think of the person who loses his temper with you as a child whose wishes are not fulfilled, and you are the adult who smiles and watches him cry. Angry people are actually not angry because of you in most cases, but because they had a shitty day somewhere else.

People who are not mentally strong will blush when they fall, run away when they fail, explode when they are scolded. They feel that they are inferior and are often at the mercy of others.

The lack of inner strength actually comes from not accepting reality, not accepting true self, and thinking that they are not as good as others.

Inner strength actually comes from seeing the reality clearly, accepting the imperfection of life, your own inadequacy, and the fact that everyone on the earth makes mistakes just like you.

Then from this hard bottom, you can bounce back up.

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❤ 1 Insight From Others

Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating

the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets

done and how much is left undone, I am enough.

– Brené Brown

❤ 1 Question For Yourself

Have you ever stumbled and fell in public? Did you blush? Did you feel ashamed?

Here’s the reality: All those people who watched you fall have fallen in public themselves. And 95% of them don’t care if you fell, they’re busy thinking where to get some ice cream.

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❤ 1 Small Step To Take

For the next week, every day, write down in your diary one thing that happened today, when you thought “I’m such an useless”.

Then write down this sentence: “I am the boss of my life, and you are all bitches.”

Remember: if there is a problem in life, we just analyze it objectively and correct it objectively. But you will always be the boss during it.

Boss, do you find this issue of Reality helpful? Leave a reply to this email, I check every reply in my inbox.

Until next week,

Ted Wild

PS: All the reasons why you are not happy are HERE .

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