by TED WILD
“3 minutes to live 1% happier”
[Scroll down for English version]
tedwild.com | 2023.5.30
Happy Reality Day! 你上周过的咋样？希望这3分钟的现实，可以带给你1%的快乐 ↓
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Reality: 3 Barriers To Happiness
tedwild.com | 2023.5.30
Happy Reality Day! Here is your weekly dose of reality to help you live 1% happier.
❤ 1 Insight From Me
The process of becoming happy is called “self-help”, which is a process of self-healing. In this process, we change our mindsets by learning various theories and doing various exercises, so as to become happier.
But there are actually three invisible barriers: Toxic environment or people, not knowing one’s passion, and self-doubt.
Toxic environment or people. If you don’t like your job and it is very stressful, with new tasks keep piling up, and you can’t stop thinking about work even at midnight in your bed, then the effects of the self-help theories you learn and exercises you do will be offset by this soul-sucking job, keeping you in a state of anxiety all the time. Similarly, if your boyfriend or girlfriend or parents always try to manipulate or control you, saying you are a loser, you’re useless, then it’s hard for you to love yourself. So, leaving toxic environment or people is a prerequisite for self-help.
Not knowing one’s passion. Finding your passion takes time, but it does have a big impact on a person’s overall happiness. Many people are living like this: they don’t like any job, but they don’t know what they like, and they are constantly confused and anxious. At this time, it is difficult for them to calm down to meditate, and live in the present. As a result, they spend years and years sleepwalking through life, with the future not figured out and the present missed in anxiety.
Self-doubt. Self-doubt is also a big killer of self-help, because you will doubt whether all the self-help theories and exercises you have learned are useful, and you will also doubt whether your problems are like what others said, or even real. For example, a depressed person may doubt whether it’s “this” job that he doesn’t like, or he just doesn’t like “all” jobs because of depression.
These three invisible obstacles will greatly impact our self-help process.
My suggestion is to leave the toxic environment or person first, which is relatively easy to do. You can ignore the other two barriers for now. Just start learning about self-help and do the exercises. After you practice for a while, your mindsets will change naturally, and these two problems will be easier to solve then. This is a “doing before knowing” process, rather than a “knowing before doing” one.
For the self-help process, how self-help works, all the tools and methods you need, and the driving force for successful self-help, it’s here.
❤ 1 Insight From Others
“Set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with course and rough dress, saying to yourself the while: ‘Is this the condition that I feared?’”
Warren Buffett still lives in the same modest house in Omaha that he bought in 1958 for $31,500, and he famously eats at McDonald’s for breakfast every day.
Rich Roll often sleeps in a tent on the roof of his fancy house.
Try what you are afraid of, so you can realize it’s actually not as bad as you think.
❤ 1 Small Step To Take
“Man up and say no”:
For the following week, whenever someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to do and have no obligation to do, whether it’s at work or in life, just say “No.”
You can say “No, I still have a lot to do, why don’t you ask XXX for help?” Or “No, I have plans, maybe another day”.
They may not be as upset as you think.
But you will definitely be happier.
Do you find this issue of Reality helpful? Leave a reply to this email, I check every reply in my inbox.
Until next week,
PS: Article：How Self-help Really Works – The ASASA Model